


Handprint

by razz



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: But major for the fic, For the first couple scenes of the movie, M/M, Mild Spoilers, Minor movie character death, Stormtrooper love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 14:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5460131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/razz/pseuds/razz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>FN-2187 is one of hundreds. He sleeps facing FN-2003's bunk. </p><p>So spoilers. </p><p>But for a pairing that honestly has less than a minute screen time together, at the beginning. And some details that also happen at the beginning. </p><p>Possible misnaming, since I'm not exactly sure. But I looked up a thing that says this Stormtrooper had a name in a book called "Before the Awakening"- which I have not read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Handprint

**Author's Note:**

> For now I'm trying not to spoil anyone, so no explicit spoilers in notes, but possibly the tags will spoil you if you read this? For a detail that is clear pretty early on.
> 
> I might retag or adjust this when there are less chances of spoilers. Or when I have more details on identities.

In his bunk room, FN-2187 is one of hundreds. He sleeps facing FN-2003's bunk. 

FN-2003, or Slip, is on another top bunk on one side, with FN-2199, or Nines, on the other. Nines sleeps facing away, so all he'd see in that direction is Nines' back. 

Eight-Seven stares late into the night - hours when he should be sleeping - because Slip sleeps on his side facing Eight-Seven.

Instead of identical, souless masks, Eight-Seven can gaze upon soft skin and curving planes. He stares at silky hair and soft lips over white teeth that he catches glimpses of during the few moments they're allowed to be out of armor. 

Smiles should be foreign on any Stormtrooper's face, but Slip can't seem to help it. 

The longing in Eight-Seven's gut vibrates to his throat. Grief for something missing that he can't even be sure exists. 

Beyond the First Order, what is there? Are there other faces that would smile at Eight-Seven? In another life, could he stare at Slip's beautifully human face without fear of re-conditioning? Could other's look at his own face, know when he was frightened, or lonely, or conflicted. In another life, would there be someone who cared to? Could he see and be seen?

Sometimes Eight-Seven will dream that Slip opens his eyes and looks back. In that middle ground between dozing and waking, he thinks he sees a subtle curve to Slip's lips, a ghost of that smile. 

He knows that when he wakes, Slip will don his armor with a smile and Eight-Seven will do the same. His return smile won't cause any delay in the time before Slip's helmet comes up, but he'll imagine he can still feel Slip's regard on his own features, until Eight-Seven finally dons his own at the last possible moment before they're called out to their rotation assignments. 

He'll carry the memory of Slip's skin and eyelashes and smile with him. A comfort he can hold as a talisman against his doubt. 

As far as Eight-Seven knows, Slip has never questioned his purpose or wanted to argue the questionable glory of a system which takes children far from any being that would love them, or kills with arbitrary whim and merciless destruction. A system which tells him to devalue lives that matter to him.

Slip is happy with his life, Eight-Seven thinks, and if he's afraid - if he's suffering from even a fraction of the same fear as Eight-Seven is, he can't find any trace of it in Slip's face during his stolen moments of observation. 

The early morning before Eight-Seven's life changes - before the day he knows he'll finally have to make his choice - Eight-Seven looks across at Slip with desperation. He wants to ask, 'What will you do when they tell us to fire?' and 'Will you still smile after seeing the results first hand? Knowing that it's all a speck of dust compared to this weapon we're all helping to build?' and 'What would I see if your helmet was off when it happens?'

Eight-Seven doesn't sleep. He looks and looks and hopes that time will freeze, give him just a little bit of forever to stare at Slip's dear, familiar face.

Eventually, after drifting on a daze of his fears, he realizes with a jolt that Slip is looking back at him, truly and really, it's not a dream. Eight-Seven also becomes aware that his own pillow is damp with his silent tears, his body tense with holding an aching knot lodged in his throat, keeping in the wracking sobs which he dares not release.

Slip doesn't smile. His jaw twitches, but his lips press tight, as if to seal in words. His eyes are so deep. Slips's hand comes up to his own face, fingers gentle, almost tender, as he brushes his fingers over his own eyes, wiping at non-existent tears. His eyes follow the same path on Eight-Seven's face. For once, Slip's expression is focused and his gaze lingering, even as he repeats the gesture, sliding a shaking hand over his brow, palms his familiar cheek. Eight-Seven's breath hitches as Slip inches his fingers down to his own lips. His gaze never wavers from Eight-Seven.

More tears well up, and Eight-Seven blinks them away to fall down his temple before they can interfere with his vision. He reaches up just as slowly and presses the pads of his finger tips to his lips, and they wait, mirrored and curled to the closest edges of their bunks, until the day begins.

***

Mere hours later, Slip has fired his weapon. Eight-Seven has not. He knows Slip has seen the death and the destruction. Eight-Seven can't see his face. 

Though his own helmet sits atop his head, he thinks he can almost feel Slip's touch as he reaches up, and his fingers graze Eight-Seven's helmet. He doesn't want to see Slip's face in death. He won't lift Slip's helmet, tries not to memorize the feel of his hands gripping the limp and going lifeless body. Can't think of this as their first - and only - touch. 

Instead, he'll try to keep the memory of compassionate eyes boring into his own and a warm touch of skin against his lips.

He'll remember both, even as his mind goes numb, as his body stumbles around with blasters and screams ringing in his ears.

"Fire your weapon, FN-2187." - he'll hear as if from a great distance. And Eight-Seven is no longer one of hundreds, will raise his blaster, but will not fire. There is blood on his hands and breath too tight in his lungs.

He moves in a muffled autopilot, finds himself back on base. And suddenly he realizes he's alone and his helmet is the worst, most soul destroying symbol. He needs it off, needs to touch his skin, needs to know that Slip would have touched him, wanted to see and know and _touch_ him.

When he's told to turn in his weapon for inspection, he knows what he has to do.

If he gets sent for re-conditioning, he'll forget Slip, they'll carve Slip out of him and he'll never know. He'll forget their last moments before the day started. Forget Slip's smiles. 

Every fiber of him screams at the thought of his un-making, of losing that last moment of belonging.

There is only one option; to run - to run as far, and as deep, and as free as he possibly can.

He knows only one way. 

The pilot.

(The pilot who probably shot Slip.)

In his mind, the good memories fight for precedence - with a hand reaching out - blood on his hands and helmet. Handprints seared into skin that's never been touched.

To be known, to keep his memory of Slip, Eight-Seven will help him. He'll keep the pilot safe, to keep Slip's memory safe. 

To keep Slip.

**Author's Note:**

> I just immediately shipped this poor dead Stormtrooper with him. Damnit he's already dead in the very beginning! But what a moment! Did anyone else get that vibe? 
> 
> Did this random Stormtrooper mean a lot to him personally? In a life of conformity, what was different about these two? Clearly part of this question is answered in the movie, but what about the other? Clearly this stormtrooper isn't just a number either. But in the world they lived in, what chances could they have had to explore friendship, let alone anything more? 
> 
> Has anyone read "Before the Awakening" (mentioned by wookieepedia)? Can you tell me if this is the right Stormtrooper, or does the movie Joss it?


End file.
